i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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