Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
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Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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