My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
