cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
