i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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