I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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