There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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