Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize