I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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