Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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