thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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