If that was your dad, he is hot
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
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you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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