I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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