Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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