weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.