Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on