I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!