I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
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Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.