Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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