Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
