It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
