when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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