I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize