And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
