Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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