I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
