I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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