recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
