Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize