my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients