another moral hangover. fuck.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys