Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
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Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.