I am puke
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now