...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.