I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
