I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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