You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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