And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
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Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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