I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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