Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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