so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
