how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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