last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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