My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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