I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
