There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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