i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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