Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
