Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize