Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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