How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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