Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?