So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times