I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016