dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.