it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.