I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.