How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.