By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out