i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.