I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza