Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.