I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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