i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.