Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
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After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.