You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.