I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
